In Vitro Fertility Goddess

• Home
• About
• Book
• Author
• Q & A
• Reviews
• Fertility News
• Forum
• Blog
• Links
• Contact
• Fertility Tips

The IVF Bridesmaid

. 

One night I will never forget, no mater how much I've tried, was the wine and cheese night at my IVF clinic. It was the potentially life-altering evening where a whole bunch of us hopefuls turned up to hear the doctors and nurses talk about the IVF process so we could decide whether we would be joining the club.

I recall little of what was said, other than the statistics for my age group, but I do remember that it was the most sombre gathering I've ever been to (that includes funeral wakes). And that I spent most of the time pretending to nibble on the same bit of Brie whilst looking around wondering which of us would get the prize and which of us wouldn't.

The statistics were not on our side. A lot of us would be walking away empty-armed, although at 38 I had a better chance than some. And of course if you were one of the unlucky ones you'd be repeating the process over. And possibly over.

I was fortunate enough to be one of the thirty percent of my age group who achieved a successful (although at times dodgy bordering on hair-raising) pregnancy on the first round.  After that I became trapped in the revolving door of the clinic, with three further  attempts that failed. Still, blessed to have one healthy child I was able to move on.

For every success there are numerous failures and some women are forced to sit back and watch while friends and acquaintances come, fall pregnant and leave. Like the woman who watches as one by one all her friends get married and she is still waiting for Mr Right and wondering if it will ever be her.

Meantime the IVF bridesmaid has to pick herself up, smile for her successful friends and try all over again. It would have to be one of the hardest things you could do, unimaginable to those who get to become mothers.

Yet the persistence can and does pay off for some, if you can put up with it. I know a woman who finally, unthinkably, had a child after fifteen tries of IVF.

I often think back and wonder about those couples from that evening and wonder how many of the women gave up, how many succeeded and how many are still there courageously playing bridesmaid. And how many of these, like my friend, will eventually catch the bouquet and have a happy ever after.

Jodi Panayotov